I had issues with the wings on wets too. Now I coat them with head cement before I clip em off the feather and I tie a full loop of thread around them before tightening the thread. It helps, some still come out lookin crappy, but I dont care. I still fish em. I struggle a little with throat collars, just cant get my fingers in the right place to tie em down.
I used to struggle alot with the wings on elk hair caddis, too. Couldnt get them to flare without spinnin around the hook. I learned to tie a good base of thread around the shank before attaching the wing, it helps make the hair stick a little better.